If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
