I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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