now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
