Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
