i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
