In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
