ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
