A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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