It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
