dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
