I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
