Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
