dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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