I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
