I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
