is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
