a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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