So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
