So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize