what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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