Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize