I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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