Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
