The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
