i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
