Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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