So drunk its hurt
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
