After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
