My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
