she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
