I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
