At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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