You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize