3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
