The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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