It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
