The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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