And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
