I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
