2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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