I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
