Pappa wants mamma naked
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize