before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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