so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize