The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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