at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
