Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize