First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
