u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
