What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
