i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
