I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
