Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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