You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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