Umm I'm too high to move.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize