Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
