you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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