D3 body, D1 cock
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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