I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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