Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize