I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Your penis caused this!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
