What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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