Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
