I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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