Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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