He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We are all done wearing pants today
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