"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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