He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
