you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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