I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
