I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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