okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
