My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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